Saturday, August 24, 2013


**DISCLAIMER** the volatile state in the middle east, is a distressing, and heartbreaking matter. In the following satirical text, I am in no way belittling the issue, as not only am I human, but I have several friends who are from and have family in Syria, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, and other devastated parts of the world. Below is my way of merely wishing and imagining it all away, in hopes of a peaceful and prosperous region for some very dear people in my life. Enjoy and proceed with a grain of salt.

"Peace Out" Via:

DAMASCUS, SYRIA --- Rebel soldiers met early Saturday morning under the safest looking cardboard box they could find and had what onlookers called “an epiphany.” After years of battle against Bashar al-Assad’s militant forces, it finally became clear that the best way to punish the Regime, is to “make them lie in the bed they’ve made" said Rebel supporter Ghais Moussa "--and chemical fallout is a lot more stubborn than bed-bugs." Resistance leader and chairman of the Coalition of Syrian Rebels, Abu Adnan spoke publicly that “it’s now become clear that humanitarian nations like the US are too busy reading Reports about our atrocities, and likely will remain in their respective countries.” Adnan also mentioned that he felt that civilized countries would be a lot more likely to help the side with a lesser propensity for violence.
Political Economist Johann Stuttgart Mill said that the decision was a good one, as “no one is standing in line, waiting to enter Syria. Everyone wants out.” Sociocultural Anthropologist Jiminy Huston of the University of California Berkeley outlines “look, the only people ok with autocratic, totalitarian and tortuous government are the ones administering it, not the ones living beneath it.” Ostensibly, Rebel soldiers are following the rest of the country’s lead, and getting the hell out of their. “The place is a mess,” recounts one recent emmigrant “if Assad wants to rule a land devoid of people, then it’s all his. Good luck to him finding the funds to clean up all that shit.” The idea now is that the Rebels have “surrendered to civility, not to the Regime” and will “accept any and all help to flee the country.” That Report’s taking a lot less time to get through, and the US said it can be there by 5.