Wednesday, February 4, 2015


I cannot believe this film came out 24 years ago. Do you know how many times I rewound our VHS, or yelled at someone else for rewinding it when I wasn’t finished yet? A lot. Meanwhile, I had the pleasure of re-watching it with my children, who have been recently obsessed with Jake and the Neverland Pirates. I felt that it was time for them to know the real deal.

As I watched it with them, I silently (ok, not so silently, I talked through the film like a damn parrot) noticed a few things that were totally, completely lost on me as a child.

  1. The Parents’ Point of View is a Thing
    I never thought of this as emotionally straining for a parent to deal with. Confronting their childhood issues, revisiting relatives, forgetting relatives names, oh and that part about avenging a soul who DARE lays a finger on their kid.
  2. Stockholm Syndrome
    Whoa, whoa, whoa. WTF. Ok, Captain Hook doesn’t just kidnap Pan’s children, the dude immediately takes very premeditated steps to make the children LOVE him. More than that, he notices right away that one child (the daughter) won’t be swaded, and immediately starts to work on the emotional instabilities of the boy. Christ. Which brings me to….
  3. Captain Hook Actually exists
    Something I don’t plan on telling my children for a while, only because they’re 3 and 5 -- at this point, knowledge of pure evil won’t prepare them, it’ll give them nightmares. But we ALL know, or have heard of or have watched the news and SEEN murderous, torturous, sociopathic pricks with mommy-issues. It’s a thing, and it’s more than just something found on a pirate ship or a story book.
  4. The Themes behind “Time” will Blow Your Mind
    Of course we’re all aware of “Never”land and the “Never”Children (which should, by the way, be called the Always Children, and Always Land..). Ok, remember the Tick Tock Croc? Exactly. Time theme. But more than that, it’s a symbolism of how time “robs” from you. Captain Hook was terrified of the Croc attacking him, but this morphed into a real-time phobia of all time-pieces. So much so, that he aimed to destroy them. All clocks. Ridding all clocks from “Never”land, defying the physicality of a clock and the intangibility of time.
    WIthout time, no one grows old -- also the Neverkids are orphans. Like, legit orphans. Not just a buncha hooligans with nothing better to do.
  5. All adults are Pirates. This includes you.
    “Peter…. you’re a Pirate!” This is what older Wendy says when she learns about Peter’s successful business antics. But when we look back at our own careers, winning the job over other people, helping the company acquire clients or sales or partnerships over other competitors… we’re all tasked with “blowing them out of the waters!”
  6. Grown-up Jokes
    “THAT’S a Paramecium-Brain!” As well when the writers read my mind and threw in a “What is this, a Lord of The Flies preschool?” So many other grown-up nuances that were just delightful.
  7. Robin Williams profoundly mentions Life & Death in Every Role He’s Ever In
    Just as I said. Since August, coincidentally, nearly every movie I've taken in has featured the late-great Robin Williams -- and he speaks VERY PROFOUNDLY about life and death in every one. And yes in every one I get the chills and pretend I didn’t even notice it.
  8. Dustin Hoffman will always be Captain James Hook
    And Willy Loman. But that’s it.
  9. Disney Constantly Over-estimates the Attention Span of Children
    Even 90’s children. Seriously, it’s just too damn long.

But when you make it through, worth every second --- SOOOO worth it!